RECLAIMING BANISHED VOICES
In the aftermath of 911, I struggled with the question about why we respond from a place of retaliation, revenge and tit-for-tat violence. I wondered about the origin of this behavior, and how I might…
SOME MAGIC IS BEST LEFT UNEXPLAINED
Growing up, we lived in a two-story, two bedroom, 800 square foot row house. My older brother Steve and I slept in one bedroom, while our infant brother Artie slept in his crib in the…
JUST COKE, DOC
Gentry was a homeless man, who had moved to Tucson four weeks before coming to hospice. He was born and grew up in Mississippi on a sharecropper farm with his parents and eight siblings. He…
THE FATHER HE NEVER HAD
Donald was fifth generation Aussie. His family emigrated from England in the 19thcentury and became successful landowners and entrepreneurs. His great grandfather built the local country club, and his family presided over the membership ever…
SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
The word “boundaries” has become a common psychological buzzword. I hear, and have probably given, much advice to others about their needing to set firmboundaries with theirparents, theirkids, theirco-workers and even theirboss. It’s so easy…
The Best Medicine
In retrospect, I realize that when I entered Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons, the practice of medicine sat at the cusp of the ancient traditions and explosive technological changes. Our traditional curriculum began…
The Seduction of Victimhood
In Reclaiming Banished Voices, I spend two chapters on the Victim Triangle, fleshing out the causes of dysfunctional patterns of behavior, which keep us trapped in the familiar, and even habitual, roles of victim, rescuer,…
UNDER THE SPELL
In Reclaiming Banished Voices, I explain how unresolved losses, parental expectations and neglect can impact our most important relationships and effect our performance at work. From my medical diary about 10 years ago: I awaken, look…
But It Takes Too Much Time
The practice of medicine is unpredictable. Schedules are interrupted by emergency visits, requests by other physicians to see their infectious disease or dying patients in the hospital, unexpected admissions to the hospice in-patient unit, concerns…
Elisabeth's 15 second rule
One of my favorite sayings of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was her 15-second rule: if you react to an event longer than 15 seconds, it is triggering old, unfinished business. Clearly, the 15 seconds is symbolic. Our…
Isn't There Something Else You Can Do?
Isn’t There Something Else You Can Do? I met Miriam and her husband over thirty years ago, when they came to me for primary medical care. They were devoted to each other, always in…
AM I KILLING MY MOTHER?
Tammy accompanied Carmen, her aged mother, in the transport vehicle from the hospital to our hospice unit. Carmen is suffering from gradually progressive heart failure, along with dementia. About seven years earlier, Tammy and her husband…